The Confused Ramblings of a 17 year old

No. This isn’t about Arsenal. You’re welcome.

I like to imagine I do not have problems. It is not true. No one can not have problems. It is stupid to try to solve these problems on your own. Unfortunately, it is my curse to try. My teenage years started with a best friend that was hours away, and being at a boarding school did not help as I tried and failed to keep in touch. Therefore, I only had a ‘best friend’ by name, not in the real sense of the word.
Let me digress. I dislike the term ‘best friend’. I believe it puts unnecessary pressure on the people involved in the relationship. How do you decide you have reached the stage ‘best friendship’? What if the other in the relationship doesn’t see you as his/her best friend? Who asks to become theĀ other’s best friend? Anyway, it’s not important.
Already an independent person, I began to deal with my problems inwardly, which has its perks I guess. Ironically, I am a very trustworthy person, and people confide in me even though it is never reciprocated. Sure, sometimes I might tell someone something going on in my life, but I almost never want advice or help, I just keep people up to date. This might stem from a lack of trust in humans. To be honest, I am not very sure.
I am a thinker by nature. I believe it is one of greatest traits. Unfortunately, I over think, and this is my greatest flaw. I run every scenario multiple times in my head, I imagine the various different effects of events and I over complicate every thought, grin and word.
Infact, what inspired this post was me spending the last 2-3 hours over thinking some things.
This has made me a very calculating person. I try to put things in percentages, or on a scale. I do not do things till it’s almost certain that I’ll get the result I want. I’m hardly spontaneous. I am very picky with food.
I do like to try new things surprisingly.
All these characteristics shape the part of my personality I never show, the part that bubbles in my head, the part that controls me. And now you know a little more about me. This post isn’t about me saying, “That was the old me, I’m turning a new leaf.” I am not. I kind of like the way I am. Kind of. To be honest, I don’t know what this post is about. I am probably more confused than I was before. But hey, I got an article out of it.

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