America Makes Me Sick

I don’t get it. I honestly don’t. I was scrolling down Twitter when I learnt about another shooting. I went about the day trying to avoid watching the video. I hate violence and guns blazing make me sick. I’m at work in South Africa, I’m having a good time, I don’t need to feel sick. I go to bed, happy. I woke up this morning, and when I went through Twitter again, hoping to catch more hot takes about Kevin Durant’s move to the Warriors and why he’s a coward. Then I saw another tweet about another shooting. Again, I really did not want to watch it. But I couldn’t stay away. It was another one. IT HADN’T BEEN 24 HOURS. I watched the Philando Castille shooting video. Then I watched the Alton Sterling video. And I was sick. I was mad. I was furious. I picked up my laptop and went to wordpress because the only thing I can ever do when I’m angry is write. I don’t even know if I’ll publish this but I’m just so angry.

A lot of America likes to believe there is no systematic racism and the laws are equal. These are the ones that will brand me a race-baiting liberal. Right now, I couldn’t give a single shit what you think. America made me really sick when the majority tried to convince me that somehow, a 12 year old boy playing with a toy gun deserved to die. Or that his death was justified. If they can demonize a 12 year old, then they’ll have no problems demonizing Alton Sterling and Philando Castille. No matter what, resisting arrest should never be a death sentence. I mean I saw Dylann Roof commit a hate crime, kill 9 people, and walk out alive as he was arrested. AND GET BURGER KING. But obviously him not resisting is less of a crime than him killing 9 black people so he’s still alive today.

Let’s talk about resisting arrest. Black people have been subject to police brutality and an unfair justice system for decades and you want us (here read black people in America) to trust the police? I trust the police only because I’m not a citizen, I haven’t been conditioned to fear the people that have carted away my brothers, fathers, uncles, nephews, friends. Why do you want black people to trust the police? Because they protect them? And the NRA, yooooo. something something 2nd Amendment right? So where you at fam? Where are your tweets? Where are the senators you wine and dine while their pockets swell with your money? Don’t they have something to say?  I don’t see you protecting black people’s right to the 2nd Amendment. But it’s cool though. You have better things to do. Like saying nothing can be done about toddlers shooting their mothers, fathers or siblings. Carry on.

All you guys that are about to comment that he’s a felon, or a criminal, or a unicorn, or whatever reason you’ve decided is enough for a black life to be snuffed out, just save it. The same people that’ll tell me that the death penalty is archaic and should be abolished have no problems with the police doing the executing. And yo, why can it NEVER be the police’s fault. Like they can do no wrong. You have no problems saying the political system is rigged as you chant, “Make America Great Again”, you have no problems crying about the state of your educational system and you rue the decay of your infrastructure but yes the police is the one American system without a single flaw. I think the police (and justice system) is in bad need of reform. And those people that say “It happens to white people too.” I don’t doubt that, but you must admit, some of these boys in blue are a bit too trigger happy when it comes to my brown and black brothers.

And you, white moderate, have you ever thought of why is it that you wait and wait and then when you find out that (insert black victim of the day) was a felon, then it’s okay? Why is it that you must always look for a reason to make it “right” in your own perfect little world? Like why, really? Reflect. Ask yourself. Write a thinkpiece. To be honest, I don’t think I care. Martin Luther said the white moderate is the biggest opponent of the black people, not the KKK, and I finally understand why.

Like I’m so mad. One man was selling CDs in front of a store! And the manager of the store was his friend! And he said Alton got the gun to protect himself. That has to be a plus for you pro-gun people right? The gun was in his pocket. He was restrained and on the ground and then shot. Philando was reaching for his driver’s license. He had a gun that he was licensed for. I don’t want to hear anything about the 2nd Amendment being for the people. We know what type of people. And for those white senators that’ll use this to tweet about how somehow Obama has caused this, thank you, because it amazes me each time how you manage to hold a black man responsible for racism. It’s almost as funny as Britain, the mighty British empire, wanting independence. And for you colorblind people, enjoy seeing the world in grey.

I just want to stand in the middle of a field and cuss loud and hard. In the same breath I want to get down to my knees and pray and weep. Because let’s imagine that America is right in its claim that it is the greatest country. If the greatest country has these sort of problems, what chance do the rest of us have? Those Americans that say, “If you don’t like it, leave our country”, one, I wish you would tell your tourists and leaders the same thing as they interfere and have interfered with domestic issues of countries thousands of miles away from them for as long as I can remember. Two, if Nigeria had one university as good as Bryant University I would be there right now. Three, please be patient, I will be out of your country as soon as I get my diploma.

There’s a line in Vic Mensa’s song about Laquan McDonald that I’m going to quote here about the plights of black people regarding two issues. The first is about the war on drugs which is another blog post in itself.

“There’s a war on drugs, but the drugs keep winning
There’s a war on guns, but the guns keep ringing”

I heard the ringing alright, and I am sick.


Life updates

I am currently in South Africa going through another winter season wondering which of my sins made me deserve suffering two winters.