About to spaz on the keyboard

I hadn’t written anything in a while because I convinced myself that I was working on some fiction pieces. That is both true and fictitious (see what I did there… never mind). I have been working on some fiction pieces, I have some ideas that I want to explore and I’ve actually started on something. However, I haven’t added to that something since late May so its not exactly holding me back from writing. I also didn’t write because I didn’t feel like I had a topic I cared about enough. I’ve often said I write when I’m angry. But then I’m realizing that I can’t allow feelings to dictate when I write. Writing is too important to me to be restrained by  a feeling as simple as anger.

So here it goes… me writing….



I don’t really know what to say. I really did not think this through. You know what? Next time I’ll write without anger on my mind. For now, I’m going to write about something that will definitely make me angry: the ridiculous, complicated baby-poo casserole that is Nigerian politics. I have no particular focus, I’m just going to spaz. Let’s dive in shall we?

Actually, I’m not going to say too much because walahi if I really go in-depth into how messed up Nigeria’s politics are, I might actually type forever. And then some. Let me start with the issue of pensions. Not for citizens, those ones don’t get paid. I’m talking about the governors. The day I found out about governor’s pensions I almost went mad. It’s crazy. Here you can see the laws for five states I believe. I’ll summarize. Fashola (who is everyone’s favorite politician it seems) will get a house in both Abuja and Lagos, six cars that are replaceable every three years, free medical treatment (and it’s not LUTH they go to, they go to the overseas for ordinary cold) plus several allowances. Bruh, six cars! SIX CARS! To be replaced EVERY THREE YEARS. You have to be kidding me. That is madness man, pure madness. Why is the state giving you six cars? Every THREE YEARS. Personally I don’t know what a person needs six cars for. It’s not like you can drive more than one at once. Or maybe you put one hand in one car, another hand in another car, one leg in another, because six cars, ko make sense rara. And he’ll still collect allowances on top of that. Fashola is now a minister. So he’ll be collecting that pension and still collect salary as a minister. No clearly we Nigerian people are mumus. Some of the other states respected themselves, only two cars every four years for some of them. That one can only fit one hand and one leg. I hope you guys can understand how mad this is. And yet these people won’t pay their staff, whether its the ones still working or the retired ones dependent on pensions. And this is all legal. This is the money they are legally collecting. Now imagine all the money they’re stealing under the table. Because it’s illegal, they’ll just be swiping anyhow like its drunk Tinder. That’s why an ex governor will have the most expensive jet in Nigeria. This is why these people do anything to get into these positions. They know when they get there, its just to relax and drink garri (actually they won’t drink garri anymore because now they have a state’s budget to spend) because they’re set for life.

Another thing that has given me pause is our political system. Biko, why do we have APC and PDP. In America, for all its flaws, at least the Democrats and Republicans have clear fundamental differences. What is the difference between APC and PDP? They don’t have any different approaches to economics, they don’t have different approaches to social issues, so why do they say vote for one over the other? When the politicians would be jumping from one party to another like it’s a tennis game and they’re the ball. THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME.

It’s all quite frustrating. We deserve better. And we know we do. So why don’t we demand for better. Ask these parties to have platforms to show us why we should vote one over the other. Put pressure on our representatives in the House and the Senate to repeal these terrible pension laws. Guys six cars every three years! When jollof rice is looking like fried rice because of the price of tomato. Six cars! In this economy. Oh my goodness.

Oh and by the way, I want to be a politician. Its not because of six cars oo, not even two. I just want better for my country.